Now this is the kind of cheesiness you'd want to roll around in. You can sit back, smile and be entertained by the sheer bravura of testosterone-induced vanity. Or you can turn up your nose, walk away and PRETEND you didn't find that declaration totally awesome.
I first encountered this declaration during one of my random surfs in Facebook's gigantic repository of quizzes and whatnots (as if I joined Facebook for its social networking potential). Now, FB's quiz collection range from those that are a lame alternative to costly sessions with the shrink, personality quizzes that you can rig, geeky Star Wars trivia that only you, a true geek, would know (I know, therefore I am Yoda) and the "How long would you stand in a fight against Chuck Norris" quiz - hands down, the most entertaining of them all.
It's the best there is because:
a. It's all about trying to take down Chuck Norris and his ruddy beard (note, trying, because you don't get to beat Chuck Norris. Nobody does.)
b. In the futile attempt to beat the MAN, you can get one of the weapons to beat all other weapons - the light saber (though it still won't work against Chuck bloody Norris)
c. Once you see it, you have no choice but to take the quiz. It's that awesome.
d. Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse you each and every time, and:
e. You won't even know why you were in a fight with him in the first place.
In my fight against Chuck, I think I chose a full body armor, speed as my skill and my hands as my weapons (light saber! You should have chosen the light saber!). Which is why I ended up as Chuck Norris fodder in a span of 1 second. Heck, that's not even enough to cover the definition of span.As I was very much entertained, I did a little research and I found out that Chuck Norris has inspired a phenomena of awesome and epic facts (about himself, of course) such is his awesome-ness and epic-ness.
Awesome:
"If you were to know Chuck Norris' true name, your mind would collapse upon itself. "
Awesome-r:
"In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck killed that man. "
Awesome-est:
"Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris is unable to send his roundhouse kicks across the fabric of time, however he IS able to perform this action across parallel dimensions and once, just for fun, roundhouse kicked his own ass. "
And he's not even the greatest martial artist there is. But don't tell him I said that.
For more Chuck Norris definitions, go here. For Chuck facts, go here.For those who want to test their mettle against Chuck Norris, type "How long will you last in a fight against Chuck Norris" in your searchboxes. Chuck is waiting.
Go ahead. You know you want to.
5 comments:
JCVD. Check.
chuck norris. Check.
cant wait for jackie chan and jet li.
Ja, your choice of weapons disappoint me.
Please review the list of Chuck Norris facts before
engaging him in combat.
1. Speed is useless. Chuck Norris is so fast, he
can run around the world and punch himself on the
back of his head.
2. Your bare hands in combat technically has
shorter range than Chuck's legs. We both know that
his roundhouse kicks can divide by zero.
3. Full body armor does not protect you from his
almighty beard. Always remember that he once killed
the dinosaurs by skewering all of them with a
strand of hair from his beard.
Our best bet at survival is to be friends with
Bruce Lee since Bruce actually mentored Chuck in
the past (fact). But then again, Bruce is no
longer with us, so our next best options are
befriending Jack Bauer or Samuel L. Jackson.
There is no reviewing before combat. You type Chuck Norris into Google, he tracks you down and he roundhouses you - twice.
if bolo yeung meets chuck norris in a 5-round no holds-barred match, who would win?? By KO, TKO, submission or decision???
or it would turn out into a no contest or draw???
@Ja: isn't it impossible to be roundhoused twice since the first one would be sure to dematerialize you? But then again, he's Chuck. I almost forgot about the parallel dimensions thingy.
@Fahk: The answer is irrelevant. If an unstoppable force meets an immovable object, the universe would implode. So nobody would live long enough to know the outcome.
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